Chiken Crossing, Pinoy-style

The First Crossing:

President GMA: 'Because it was right, it was the best thing to do. And so, God took care of the rest of the chicken's journey.'

"Miriam Defensor-Santiago: 'Asking such inconsequential mediocrity is a waste of time. We discuss toads at UP, not fowls. Suffice it to say, I cannot comment on insipid queries involving species of lower life forms.'

"VP Teofisto Guingona: 'I accuse the chicken of violating traffic laws by crossing the road!'

"Sec. Hernando Perez: 'The chicken has a secret nest with hundreds of eggs at the other side of the road.-But we have yet to prove it.'

"Sen. Ping Lacson: 'I will resign from the Senate if Sec. Perez can prove that the chicken has laid hundreds of eggs in a secret nest!'

"NBI Chief Wycoco: 'Was it a chicken? Yes, it was a chicken. It doesn't look like a chicken, though. However, a deeper probe into the animal revealed that it was really a chicken. But do not quote me on that, our forensics experts need to verify if it was indeed a chicken.'

"Clarissa Ocampo: 'I was surprised when the chicken did it. I was one foot away when it crossed the road.'

"Madam Cory Aquino: 'If only Ninoy were alive today, he would be able to explain why.'

"ISAFP Chief Col. Victor Corpus: 'My new witness will debunk claims that the chicken crossed the road. Ladies and gentlemen, my witness-Ador Mawanay!'

"Dr. Jose Rizal: 'Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinaggalingan/Ay hindi makakalipad sa paroroonan.'

"Meralco: 'How could that be illegal? The government allowed it!'

"Boy Abunda: 'A rooster is waiting on the other side. They'll have a private conversation.'

"Raul Roco: 'How am I supposed to know? I was the last person to be informed. This is unfair. I smell politics here.'

"Imelda Marcos: 'Some chickens are smarter than others.'

"GSIS Pres. Winston Garcia: 'To save a heritage.'

"KMU's Teddy Casiсo: 'To question the chicken's motives is curtailment of its freedom to cross the road, and therefore a violation of chicken rights.'

"GMA-7: 'It's where the chicken belongs.'

"Janice de Belen: 'God was on its side when it crossed the road.'

"Kris Aquino: 'Sasgutin natin ang tanong na yan sa pagbabalik ng-'The Buzz!'

"Nora Aunor: My brother is not a chicken!

"Christopher de Leon: 'Can I use a lifeline?'

"Fr. Robert Reyes: 'I was running after it.'

"Cardinal Sin: 'It was the moral thing to do.'

"Bro. Wilde Almeda: 'Gagaling! Lalakas! Tatawid sa kalsada! Alelujah! Praise the Lord, mga minamahal!'

"Bro. Eli Soriano: 'Tarantado yang manok na yan! Hindi niya alam ang kanyang ginagawa! Mabuti ka n'yo at hindi nasagasaan!

"Bro. Mike Velarde: "Kagustuhan 'yan ni Yahweh El Shaddai. Amen? Amen!'

"Melanie Marquez: 'Because it has long-legged!"'

The Second Crossing:

President GMA: It is imperative for the chicken to become a member of the “coalition of the laying.”

Jose Maria Sison: To go into exile.

Imelda Marcos: Dahil sa ‘yo.

Senator Ping Lacson: This question is purely harassment and political persecution! Let the chicken cross!

Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte: The Moro Islamic Liberation Front is to blame.

MILF: We categorically deny that we had a hand in the crossing.

Ador Mawanay: First Gentleman Mike Arroyo, Intelligence Chief Victor Corpus and NBI Director Reynaldo Wycoco pressured the chicken to cross the road.

Mike Enriquez: Alamin natin ang dahilan ng pagtawid mula sa ating Saksi! Pasok!

Mareng Winne and Pareng Oca: The topic of our debate tonight: “Which came first: the chicken or the road?”

Cristy Fermin: Ayon sa aking source, kinaladkad s’ya ng tandang. Sinabung-sabong siya. At tinakong pa. Battered chicken talaga siya.

Anjo Yllana: Hindi po totoo na sinabong ng tandang ang chicken kaya ito tumawid ng kalsada. In fact, kasama ko po ngayon sa studio ang chicken para patunayan ang maling balitang ‘yan.

Lolit Solis: Teka, babati muna ako. Hello kay Dr. Vicky Belo, kay Ditas Magno, kay Papa Jesse Ejercito, kay Senator Manny Villar, kay Ronnie Carrasco, kay Gorgy Rula, kay Cong. Jules Ledesma
at saka kay... (Commercial break)

Rosal Rosal: Papasukin na po natin ang ating sunod na mananawagan... ang manok!

Ramon Tulfo: Ang hirap kasi (censored) ‘yang manok na ‘yan. Kung hindi ba naman (censored) ang (censored) ‘yan e di sana hindi (censored)!# $@%^&!

Madam Claudia: Nakakatawa, hindi niya alam na crispy ang chicken.

Amor: It’s not the chicken. It’s the sauce.

Madam Auring: Malakas ang vibration ko na maaaksidente ang manok. Kaya dapat mag-ingat siya sa pagtawid.

Astrologer Zeny Seva: Jupiter and Venus will be on the same orbit. And the other planets would cross the tropic of Cancer. So, expect fowls to be restive. Instead of flying, they would prefer crossing.

Francisco Balagtas: O manok na makapangyarihan/ Kung nais marating ang patutunguhan/ Tatawirin ang lahat/ Marating ka lamang.

Traffic Cop (who witnessed the chicken crossing): Prrrrt... Fowl!

Filipino gay: Anetch? Sinetch namang nag-tsika sa ‘yo na jumawid ang janok? Wa ko knows noh! Chuva lang siguro ‘yon. Promise!

Cherie Gil: That’s nothing but a second-rate, trying hard chicken! (Splash!)

Lualhati Bautista: Dekada Sitenta pa, itinatanong na ‘yan. Hanggang ngayon ba naman?

Bong Revilla: Baka may Agimat kaya ligtas na nakatawid!

Fernando Poe Jr.: Alamat ng Lawin ang alam ko. Hindi alamat ng manok.

Mother Lily: MANOk PO!